I’ve realized something about myself as I get older. Actually not just one thing, but a few things recently:
- I don’t take kindly to disrespect, and people who don’t value others.
- I have no time for bullshit, small talk, or fake people.
- I won’t play along with people any more for the sake of “keeping the peace.” You want to keep the peace with me, how about you be real with me? Just a thought.
Those of you who have been reading me from the beginning no that I have zero tolerance for nonsense. That I don’t play nice for the sake of playing nice and saving face, which is probably why I am where I am, because I don’t tow the line so that one day, somewhere in the far away future in some distant land I might be rewarded for my good girl, follow the rules behaviour. Even though it’s lonely out here, I’d way rather be on my own honoring my truth than bowing down to a false God. I find it fascinating how in life, people have expectations of you being a certain way in your relationship with them, yet they have zero intention of being that same way with you. I often wonder when people are this way, are they also like this at home with their partners, or their children? Do they have that same expectation that everybody scratches their back, but they never have to return the favour?
In my marriage I call that Diva behaviour, and neither of us tolerate it. If YB wants a back rub, then somewhere down the road I’m going to hope for one in return. If he addresses me in a certain way then I will return the favour; good or bad. For me life is all about, you get what you give.
Some might argue that this is “conditional love” I prefer to look it as a teaching opportunity. If you take what you want without ever giving in return, eventually you’ll come to the love well and it will be dry.
Does anybody out there get what I’m saying??? Or am I hollering into the dark night alone. I mean I’ve had some champagne, and wine this evening, but I think I’m still making sense…
How about this; do you ever find yourself at a place in your life where you just have so much to say, but know that you’re better off saying nothing at all? My mom used to do this a lot as us kids got older. I could tell she was sitting there biting her tongue while we blabbed on, and on, and on, all knowing. I recall sitting there and wondering why she didn’t call bullshit on us, since I could tell by her face that she clearly felt it.
Now I get it. Now I know why my mom sat silent so many times. Because I do it too. I sit silent, or don’t post, not because what I want to say is rude, or false; but rather because I know speaking my truth would do absolutely zero good. I know it wouldn’t change the situation, or the outcome, so I just keep it to myself.
I wonder if it is wisdom, maturity, or a sense of why bother that causes this reaction in us, or should I say just me?
Tomorrow is the full moon; actually it is the SUPER BLUE BLOOD MOON TOTAL ECLIPSE, that is also taking place during a Solar Flare and Sun Storm. Which means, in a nutshell, say nothing, do nothing, decide nothing until all this shit shakes out and settles down. Which is what I plan on doing. I’m going to mind my business, meditate, read my “be nice/play nice” books and keep my big mouth shut. Hopefully in a few days it will all look, smell, and feel better.