In the matter of love there are no easy answers, or easy fixes. In my own relationship with Yannick there have been so many times that I have wondered; “is this the breaking point? Is now the time to walk away?” But love is tricky, and in the famous words of Kenny Rogers: “You have to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away.”
The “walking away” bit sounds so much easier to do when you sing it, in contrast to actually doing it. Often times you have to factor in kids, mortgages, infidelity, and sadly and all too often, abuse. It is never cut and dry. Although I do know somebody close to me who is currently at the beginning of divorce procedures. The marriage is nine months old.
All I can say is wow; and that I want my money back.
I have no idea what is actually going on there, what I do know is what I’ve been told; and what I’ve been told is that he is abusive, and so is his family. Which I totally believe, I can see it, and in that instance I think the only thing to do before kids get involved is to leave. But, the piece that makes zero sense to me is that this same person has been in a relationship with her now, short term husband for years. Many years. Like I think six or seven. So the question for me then becomes, how did you not know there was abuse coming at you from all sides? Is their behaviour a new married development? So many questions.
What I do know for certain is that nobody can really know what takes place inside the four walls of an intimate relationship, only the two people involved really know what is going on, and sometimes, as I’ve often felt there is confusion even between them. Love and marriage are such funny things, aren’t they. You take two people raised completely differently from one another, different ideals, standards, ways of being, then throw them in a house and expect them to be together, happily, until death they do part. Man this is a tall fucking order. Although in our modern world, it looks as though so many couples are having the best time of it. From their epic, perfect proposals, to their grand and fabulous weddings, to their dream honeymoons. So many are doing it bang on…from the outside looking in. Especially during these days of social media it can feel as if everybody else has got the absolute perfect relationship going on. But, as a woman who is rounding the corner to thirty years I’m confident this is not at all the case. Intimate relationships are the most difficult to sustain, in my opinion, and I seriously think more of us need to be willing to admit that it is seriously tough work. Like when I close my eyes and think about writing this next sentence so that it resonates with the most truth possible, I cannot decide what to write. I don’t know whether or not I should type that being married is THE TOUGHEST JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE, or BEING A PARENT IS THE TOUGHEST JOB YOU’LL EVER HAVE???
I honestly don’t know which one I believe more. Then you put the two together, add kids to your marriage, and holy shit it’s a surprise the divorce rate isn’t higher. The two toughest jobs in world, combined, under one roof?!?! What the hell were we thinking? Who came up with this notion of marriage and family being a “thing” in the first place? Religious groups would be my guess. “Can’t have sex unless you’re wed, cuz that’s a sin. Oh Lordy, can’t have kids without being wed, cuz that too is a sin.”
What a mess it can turn out to be. No handbooks, no education for either role, you don’t go to “marriage school” and graduate with honours in four years, but at 16/18 you can sign up for it. Shit, you can also go into the military at 18, but at least there they train you for your tasks at hand. Every single thing you do in life has a course, a class, and training to make sure you can perform it to the best of your ability. Except marriage, and parenting.
My friends, this doesn’t simply make me go “hmmm” this has truly got me asking myself WTAF. Maybe it’s because I’m about to marry my first daughter, perhaps it’s because YB and I are seriously out of sync, which is no big surprise this deep into Murdoch’s filming season. I don’t know, but what I do know is that at the end of the day, the only thing we can all do, in my super humble, human opinion is to be honest with our partners; but we be honest with respect, and to always be willing to say; “I’m sorry.”