You may not know this about me, or Yannick, you might be incredibly surprised to hear that neither of us enjoy speaking live in front of a crowd. This might even be a thing that makes YOU go “hmmm” moment. Even though I got my start on stage, the audience was always pretty dark in front of me so it was sort of like dancing, singing and acting in front of my bedroom mirror, except with an orchestra and stage makeup, speaking in front of a giant crowd freaks me out. Yannick has never done theater. Ever. So he gets even more nervous than I do.
Yet here we are preparing; by preparing I mean working out with my trainer, getting a mani/pedi, a facial, makeup and hair done, and buying packing tape to hoist my breasts up in a sleeveless dress I let my daughters talk me into buying, to stand up and speak in front of 900 people tonight. Good God!! I’m nervous. Seriously anxious, as in I’d love a glass of wine, or a mimosa, maybe even some vodka water. But I’m also vain and do NOT want to look sloppy, or like Emily Blunt does in the movie The Girl on the Train…so I’ll sip some soothing calming teas instead.
You probably also don’t know that I’m not a fan of my arms. Even when I was my most fit, they seemed disproportionate to the rest of my body. Now that I’m at my hormonal weight, of maybe I won’t get my period this month, or maybe I will but at like day 59 stage of life, the arms are seriously my absolute least favorite part of my body. Actually it’s probably a tie for my arms and underneath my chin. My chin/neck combo. But thank God, with my chin/neck I can at least get Botox, and jaw injections to balance out the loosey goosey extra skin developing under my chin. Tricks of the trade folks, don’t get judgey on me. Maybe you wouldn’t get injections, or maybe you would. I’m on the side of the fence of HELL YEAH, in the hopes that it will help me avoid cutting my face off and stretching my skin in an unnatural way across my face bones in the name of youth and vanity. I never want to NOT look like me, I like looking like me, I just want to look like I’ve spent a lifetime getting eight hours of sleep every single night.
Anyway we’re doing what we can, what we need to so that we can at least look LOVELY while we’re shitting our pants standing up in front of 900 people tonight. I mean, seriously, we’re both so shy, why oh why did I have to take this Year of Yes business SOOOOO SERIOUSLY? Damn. I’m nervous.
Do you think it’s too late to “call in sick”???
I kid, I kid. Obviously we’re going to do it, we wouldn’t dream of bailing, not on these amazing brave children. I mean who am I to cry and complain about my nerves when I’m addressing an audience who are there to support a charity that enables kids living with cancer to have even a short reprieve from their hospital lives. I would do anything for these little heroes. And tonight I will. I will put myself aside and get on that stage and confidently ask 900 people to open their wallets wide and show Camp Ooch and all those amazing campers some serious love!
Just some prayers from all of you would be much appreciated.
Thanking you in advance,