Lately it hasn’t be easy for me to pick only one thing that makes me go “hmmm.” There just seems to be so much going on in the world right now. Sex robots? WHAT? A fetish site that allowed this guy to link to another site that taught him how to abduct an innocent woman? WTAF??? It’s all a little too much, and in fact I believe is playing a big part in my feeling of being completely overwhelmed.
The thing that is currently at the forefront of my brain is WHERE DOES TIME GO?? How is that I’ve been up since 6:30am and have gotten only two things on my “to do list” done??? Like seriously? What have I been doing for close to SIX HOURS.
I’m also having one of those days where it just feels like I’m never going to get up out from under said list. I find myself walking in circles muttering to myself; “well if I do this first, then I can do that, and I will follow that up with…” And you know what I get done? None of it, cuz look it’s a butterfly…
I’m feeling completely scattered and it’s seriously beginning to piss me off. I feel like I’ve had a few incredibly productive days that I managed to string together since coming back from LA that have been super focused, and ran smoothly with everything getting handled. But sadly these days are too far and few between, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why? I also cannot work out how to simplify my situation. I do know this for sure, I have girlfriends who have multiple homes, like 3-5 properties and they don’t seem to be any worse for wear, but then there is me. I’m just not sure that running two houses, while writing my blog, trying to write two more non-fiction books, edit Black Picket Fence, and have some “down time” to just veg in front of some of the incredible TV shows everybody keeps asking me if I’m watching, or social media is working for me. I know that something has to give, but what? I’m hesitant to hand over my bookkeeping and bills etc because we’ve been burnt before with somebody not doing their job and landing us in a heap of hot water. Once bitten twice shy am I right? Especially when it comes to your money.
I have girlfriends and couples that I haven’t even spoken to since returning, never-mind laid eyeballs on. And I miss them. If you’re reading this, please know it isn’t you. It’s totally 1000% me. The time I would usually set aside to meet up, has now been taken over with medical appointments for me, or my dad. I’ve been unwell feeling for some time, tired, bloated, irritable, unable to concentrate, stubborn weight issues, and on, and on, and on. So before coming home I made a commitment to myself that I would focus on my health this summer. Not my career. Not my relationships. But me. Focusing on myself from the inside out, so that when all my ships come in, and they will, I will be running at optimum health. It’s going to be huge and I need to be ready for it. I can’t go into my bright new future the way I’ve been living/feeling in my skin these past four years. I’ve worked on my mind, my attitude and my intention, now I’m putting my health at the forefront.
And for the record, this takes a lot of time. And requires a lot of appointments to rule everything out. It’s exhausting and now I totally get why more people walk around unwell, than well. It also brings to mind that it is expensive. If I didn’t have healthcare I would be out of pocket a whole whack of money, and that’s scary. Because everybody should have the right to have their health. It freaks me out that this current administration disagrees with that. Yet another thing in the back of my mind upsetting me.
Anyway I have to remind myself that the the only thing I can do today is my best. Take the day task by task, appointment by appointment and hope that between now and some of due dates another day gets invented along the way. One step at a time, am I right?