Usually I come here, to my blog, to mouth off, to express my opinions about things I see go on in the world, and around me throughout my day. Most of the time my posts are saucy, and flippant, but every so often my mouthy attitude softens, and I post delicate, perhaps even flowery nuggest. Well friends, today is one of those days, so grab your tissues.
For so many years I’ve been extremely guarded in relationships, whether they be with people of the same, or opposite sex. I have serious deep seeded trust issues, which started at a very young age, thanks to a non-existent relationship with my dad. God love him, but he didn’t see the worth in a tiny blonde girl who liked to spin around in ballet slippers, clack her feet in tap shoes, and play Barbie’s FOR HOURS. He couldn’t relate to me, because I didn’t carry a hockey stick or throw a football. Thank God my mother loved having a daughter to kick around with, my relationship with her taught me that I was worthy, and lovable.
Flash forward to high school, girls coked my locker, wrote slut on the front of it, and went so far as to write in the year book quotes (a good half of the graduating girls)that I was their pet peeve. Girls didn’t like me, and boys had a thing about trying to take from me what I didn’t want to give. Suffice it to say, trusting people, or wanting to develop any new relationships wasn’t high on my list of priorities. I had one best friend in high school, and to this day she’s still my number one. In my twenties, I made another best friend, who also is a ride or die. Up until about ten years ago I thought I was blessed to just get these two, tried and trues, for better or for worse, decades worth of tears, laughs, secrets, joys, sorrows, and deep mad love for one another.
But, life has taught me a beautiful thing.
It has shown me that there were many more to come. My circle has grown. Some new friends came and lasted two-six years, leaving their beautiful marks on my soul, and heart. The things we shared, will never be forgotten, and even though we’re not close today, if you’re reading this I hope you know that I still love you, think of you often, and am deeply grateful for all the tears we cried, the laughs we had. You carried me during the times when I couldn’t walk, and I hope that at some point in our friend journey I did the same for you.
Just when I thought I didn’t have neither need, or desire for new friends, the universe over the past few years has delivered me some of the most incredible souls to laugh, share secrets, tears, dreams and joys with. Each day as I run along the ocean, or drive quietly in my car; I meditate on the abundance of deep, soulful friends that I’ve been gifted, and my heart literally swells with gratitude; and I’m overcome. The little girl, who didn’t tell a soul about her rape, or the abuse at the hands of a family member, never, not once saw herself here. Surrounded by incredible people. Intelligent, giving, thoughtful, determined, fantastic people. Some of you have been here, like I said, more than 30 or 20 years. Others are sitting at the decade mark, while others (and if you’re reading this you know who you are)are coming in at anywhere from the five year to the “just last month” mark. No matter how long you’ve blessed my life with your soul, I wanted to write this post today, to let you know that I am beyond thankful for you. I’m blown away at your selflessness, your beauty, your strength, your character that has taught me that women can be friends, and can want the best for one another. And to my male soul friends (you know who you are)I thank God for you showing me another way for men to be.
I love you all.
I’m blessed more than I ever thought I would be.
And I’m thankful more than words will ever be able to fully express the depth of gratitude in my soul.
To those who are more in the past, please know that you are not forgotten, and your friendship to me helped form the woman that I am today, and should our paths ever cross again, I look forward to all the laughs catching up will bring us.