How do you get an old deaf dog to change his ways???

Dogs are amazing. I seriously cannot imagine my life without them, I prefer them, to like, 80% of the humans I’ve come across in my life. Like a broken record I’ve told Yannick, and anybody who will listen, which I guess now officially includes YOU: “If I had the money, I would have a giant farm filled with dogs. Dogs of all sizes, and breeds. Preferably mutts/rescues.” I have a soft spot for them, too bad boxers hate most other dogs, and vice versa, this makes rescuing anybody impossible. Plus, the harsh reality that, thanks to the Liberal government taking more of our money than we get to keep, means no bottomless bank account for me. Assuring my nervous husband that there’s no immediate worry of me ditching my family, and my urban life, for a rural one filled only with four legged critters.

As you all know, Mack is a fighter to the core. What you might not know about him, is that he’s the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet. He has the soul of an angel, and he always looks deep into our eyes with his big brown puppy dog eyes, desperate to make us understand what it is he is trying to communicate. Mack is that dog that you can take anywhere, well except to a dog park with over aggressive ass sniffing canines, then he loses his mind. Other than that, he’s that dog that can walk off leash, stays at your side, constantly watching you to make sure no sudden moves are made.

When he could hear, he would come on the first call. One day, at puppy class, he was so hell bent and determined to “flush us out” of our hiding spot during a whistle recall challenge, that he took a short cut. Smart dog. None of the other dogs had tried that. Only problem with his plan…it landed him, completely submerged, into a freezing cold pond, it was end of November…poor pup. But this is the sort of dog he is. Eager to please. Willing to go that extra mile to get to the bottom of a challenge.

He has had one disgusting, horrible, almost deal breaking habit, his entire life, that as he ages, I’m sad to say is getting much, much, worse.

He eats poop. All the time. Now I know that I’ve discussed this in another post, but honestly, since then, it has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. It’s all the damn time now. It’s gotten so bad that we all have to keep paper towel at the ready whenever he comes back in from the garden, to wipe his jowls off, while we desperately try not to throw up.


While typing this entry I had to take a shit jowl wiping interlude.

There’s no way to stop him either. He’s deaf. So even when you notice him, way down at the bottom of our property, head bowed, fixated on one spot for way too long, and the realization hits you: “FUCK. He’s eating shit right now! MACK! MACK STOP!! MACK NO…” I holler, even though I know that my pleading is literally falling on deaf ears. I could wander down there to pull him off it, but you know what, by the time I reach the bottom he’d be done his backyard buffet anyway. I try scooping more often, doesn’t matter, he’s on it before I can pick it up anyway.

I’m not so concerned about us being licked by his shitty tongue, since we’re all on to him, and have stopped letting him kiss us, for a long while now. My primary focus is finding a way to ensure that he keeps his tongue off family members, and guests. Like tonight for example, we have friends, and family coming over for home made ravioli, made by my fab daughter, Dominique. Since he literally just ate a mouthful, or two, of fresh dog shit how do I keep him off the guests, without locking him in his own room???

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm…

Dear Dog Gods,
Please hear my prayer. My beloved old dog has a disgusting habit, please keep him asleep during the entire visit of my aunt, uncle, and my dear friends tonight. May he not get the urge to give anybody any kisses tonight.