Male followers this post is not for you, so look away, go watch the sports recaps from the weekend.
My friends, it is official. According to blood results, and the fact that the painters haven’t been in since August 9th, my body is now in Menopause. Obviously I still need to go an entire year with no bleed, which honestly sounds like winning the damn lottery at this point in my life, for those of you who have already crossed over, isn’t it the most glorious thing in the world. Travel with zero supplies, have sex whenever without the worry of pregnancy, never ever having to wear another pair of period underwear for as long as you live?! That’s what I call really living, and I for one am crossing my fingers that this time I will go the distance. I’m currently sitting at 102 days of no inconvenient swapping out the stoppers for my plumbing, my longest time prior to this one was 72 days. I’m literally in heaven, I’ve had my period since I was eleven years old, this is one friend I won’t be sad to see go.
I’m not saying I’m not thankful for how well my body functioned all these years. It has operated like a well oiled, healthy machine. It has served me well, I was able to become pregnant when I wanted to, and the only hiccup in the planning was the baby I lost between Dominique and Mikaela. I don’t mourn that child, for if I did I have that baby I wouldn’t be blessed with Mikaela, and truth be told my friends, Mikaela is a magical, wonderful, brilliant, and beautiful soul. I wouldn’t want to live in a world that didn’t have her in it. So, things go as they should, our bodies work in mysterious ways, some good, some not so good. Because let’s be honest, and I say this every single time a woman references God as a being female: “THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL GOD IS A WOMAN BECAUSE IF GOD WERE FEMALE WE WOULDN’T BLEED FIVE DAYS EVERY SINGLE MONTH, AND, WE WOULDN’T DO ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING WHEN IT COMES TO PROCREATING.”
So please for the love of everything female can we stop referring to God as being a woman, I don’t buy it, I won’t ever buy it. Only a man would inflict all that us women deal with in one lifetime upon us, a fellow sister never would. Anyway, end of rant, since it’s not at all the point of my post.
The point of this post is that I was chatting with a friend of mine earlier this morning, I’m clicking my heels in celebration that I’m officially in the zone, and almost out of the red zone for the rest of my days. My girlfriend, who is four and a half years younger than me looked at me surprised and shocked at my celebratory attitude about it all. You see, she hasn’t had a cycle for 52 days, and she for one is NOT HAPPY about it. Like not at all. And I get why she isn’t. At 43 I looked over at Yannick with tears in my eyes and said: “You know it wouldn’t be crazy to have ONE MORE BABY, all our friends are doing it. I’m just not ready to be old…”
Tears streaming down my cheeks, conflicted, knowing deep down inside the last thing I wanted, with our youngest heading off to University in mere minutes, was a baby. But, the torment within my spirit was that I also wasn’t ready to be “old” and regardless of what age you are when you finally enter menopause it does signal the end of vitality in a very big way.
So, how do we as women combat that? How do we tactfully, gracefully, and YOUTHFULLY cross the blessed bridge to a period free life while keeping our sanity, sexiness and to be blunt our parts well oiled up so that we can enjoy these carefree days? I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, or that it was at all easy for me, I don’t enjoy running at 107 degrees when it’s only 5 degrees outside, I certainly don’t like that YB simply brushes his teeth and is passed out in bed within two minutes while I need to take six different concoctions just to feel tired. But it is what it is, it’s coming whether we want it to or not, so all I can suggest is that we approach it in the same way we do every other life change. Minds wide open, and hearts open even wider. We must remember to be kind with ourselves, remember to laugh at ourselves, and most importantly as best we can, make sure we’re working with a knowledgeable doctor who is making the transition as painless as possible. A great doctor makes all the difference, I’ve been working with my hormone specialist since 2012, and I swear it is what has made the whole process fairly painless. I mean I’ve only jumped out of a moving car once in a fit of hormone imbalanced rage. That’s pretty good for a process that has taken the better part of six years to get through. Whatever age you are when it starts to happen, whether you’re ready for it or not, I strongly advise that you not only get a good doctor but a great group of girlfriends to laugh, cry, and drink your way through it with. Oh yeah, and maybe a really awesome sensitive partner who doesn’t mind having a bottle of lubricant on the nightstand where the condoms used to be.
Good luck ladies, I’m always with you xo SB