Can you still have regrets even if you have forgiven yourself???
There is a phrase that really urks me. Like when people say it I always, always, without fail look at them sideways. This phrase is: “I HAVE NO REGRETS.”
Really?
Really?
Not one single regret over how many years that you’ve roamed the earth?
I don’t buy it, so whenever somebody says this to me I automatically trust them that little bit less. Because one of two things is going on here:
- you’re either a sociopath with no soul, and out of touch with yourself
- you’re a liar
Sorry but for me it is that cut and dry. Sorry that I’m also so judgey on this matter, but I simply do not buy it. How can it be that you haven’t got even one little teeny tiny thing that you regret??? I don’t understand.
I regret so many things. I regret beating that girl up in the staircase of the mall when this friend of mine, who bullied me so badly that I decided being her friend was better than being her enemy, dared me to beat that stranger minding her own business up for a cigarette. How disgusting is that? Very. I know why I did it, I decided to save my own ass; so instead of her being a solo bully, we terrorized the city of Scarborough together. We were the dynamic duo of bullying girls our age. It was gross, and I totally, completely 1000% without a doubt regret it. Regret every single minute of it.
I also regret not having more patience with Brianna, our eldest, when she was a baby, sickly with allergies, unable to sleep, uncomfortable all the time. Instead of being a loving, kind, nurturing parent I was often a hysterical, at my wits end, frustrated, upset parent. Not many days during her early years that I’m proud of. I regret not knowing how to be a better mom back then.
I’ve said things to my husband, things that I can never, ever erase, or take back. I regret every single word. I still see them in my mind’s eye, and I can still hear them coming out of my mouth.
I regret not listening to or paying attention to the signals my sweet boy Kuda was trying to send me while he was battling cancer for MONTHS before I got on the stick to get him to the vet.
For me the list goes on, and on, and on; and I’m a thoughtful, kind, idealistic, fair human being. So if I know my own heart and how I feel about the people who walk this planet with me, and animals, and I have so many regrets, how is that so many have ZERO. ZILCH. NADA.
Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.
Now, I’m not saying that I’m still crucifying myself over the things that I’ve done that I regret. I’ve meditated, prayed, sought counsel about all of it. For me, regret is not at all the same thing as FORGIVING oneself for the missteps that are made during this journey called life. I have forgiven myself completely. Forgiving is the easy part, for me I really just wish I could FORGET. So perhaps the phrase should be; “THERE IS NOTHING I HAVEN’T FORGIVEN MYSELF FOR.”
Hmmm???
