Hi Friends, tis that time of week once again where I compile my weekly Dear Shant-“Elle” columns on my site in case you’ve not worked out how to get to www.milknheels.com directly through my website via the link, or through my Instagram.
So here you are!
I just recently had two amazing twins and my older two daughters have been such a great help and my husband has stepped up in so many ways, but they drive me crazy and I feel like I want to throw the whole house away and move to a remote island sometimes. I love my family but am I wrong for having this feeling?
First congratulations. FOUR KIDS. Damn, that’s awesome. And it’s also a ridiculous amount of work. One kid is such a tremendous amount of work, but four…we all need to tip our hats to ourselves more often when we go in for the “more than one” kid life. I’ve received shit in the past for saying that mothering is the biggest job you will ever have in your life. Some have said that it isn’t “work” and that it is their greatest “joy.” Well yay for you Betty Crocker, or whoever is the most perfect mother on the planet, but for me, being a mom was, and continues to be a job. We wear so many hats as a mother, hats that should we wear them outside our homes would absolutely be called jobs. So what’s the issue with saying that about being a mom? To me nothing.
What does my rant about whether or not it is a job have to do with your question? I’m about to tell you what. When we have a job and are doing our job there are days we’re richly rewarded and fulfilled by it, and there are days when we hate every single task that has anything to do with that job. This is normal. It’s perfectly okay in society to bitch and moan about our out of home jobs, but for some reason as soon as we get crowned with the “mom hat” all that is supposed to end. It’s supposed to just vanish into thin air and we’re meant to be filled with joy and bliss all the day long. Well this simply isn’t the case. It’s filled with good and bad days, and it’s okay to feel and honor both. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to run away, I told my husband and my middle girl, who is twenty-seven just the other night that I was going away for two weeks, alone, to a secret place where none of them could find me. I’ve been at this “mothering” game for thirty years and I wasn’t having fun anymore. I had hit my limit.
But guess what? That was two weeks ago, and today, the days are good and filled with joy again. But who knows what tomorrow might bring, perhaps, I’ll be headed to that deserted fantasy island once again.
Secretly Packing, know that you’re not alone, and that this is normal. By knowing this you can release the guilt of it, and just blissfully picture yourself running away into the sunset, solo, the next time the shit hits the fan!
You got this!
Should I be worried my six year old daughter still has an imaginary friend?
From Stasi The Friendly Ghost
Hello, Stasi the Friendly Ghost
Hell no, I still have mine and she tells me how fabulous I am all day long!
I kid, I kid.
Unfortunately, since I don’t know your daughter, or what is going on in her life, I’d be jumping to conclusions about how to respond to this. Which I’m loathed to do since jumping to conclusions never ends well for anybody. I will however ask you this: has she suffered a trauma that this imaginary friend helps her escape from? Is she an only child who gets lonely and has therefore created a “companion” to spend time with? It all depends on what is happening in her life and whether or not you think the relationship with this imaginary friend is keeping her from developing real relationships with kids her own age. If it is something that you’re truly concerned about take her to visit her doctor, they know the correct questions to ask in order to get to the root of her pretend friendship. If you’re concerned that your doctor can’t get to the bottom of it then I would ask your doctor to recommend a qualified child therapist to sit down and see what might be going on there with your daughter.