I’ve been a mom for thirty-two years, thirty-three if you include the actual carrying of my first. Which I guess is when one becomes a mom, right? Do you think? I count it, but many don’t, which I find odd considering the minute I found out I was pregnant I totally changed the way I lived my life. I “became” a mom. Perhaps not everybody does this, which is why this could become a completely separate conversation: When does one “become” a mother? But I digress, that’s not what this article is about. It is however about feeling like absolute shit some days, like you can’t get your mom act together.
After thirty-three years of doing this mom thing, and now I’m about to become a grandmother for the first time this summer; I can confidently say that I know a thing or two about feeling like my body, my life, my thoughts, and my bathroom breaks are not my own. Feeling like you’ve lost your autonomy, along with doing something you can’t know how to do until you’re actually doing it, can, and often feels like too much. I also have some news for those of you who are at the beginning of your journey, the feelings that you might be having about this being “a lot” are normal. You feel like being a mom is a lot because it is. There is no shame in those feelings, and there is no way to feel any differently about it than to just acknowledge it and move on.
By “move on” I mean just don’t beat yourself up over those feelings, that come in waves. The being a mom is just that little bit too much, right now wave. Don’t allow those to linger and convince you that you’re failing as a mother. All is not lost just because today might be a truly shitty day. Today you might feel like you’re out of your depth, your element, or you might be flat out exhausted and in need of some quiet, ALONE TIME. This is normal. This is all part of the journey of being a mom. It feels like a lot because it is a lot. And that’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not looking like that super hip groovy fashionable perfect mom on Instagram.
I have news for you, that mom has had more than her fair share of feeling like a “shitty mom” days. And wouldn’t it be grand if more moms were out there posting their mom truths and not just the edited, airbrushed version of being a mom? I for one would love that.
So, I want you to remember two things today:
1) If somebody is a mom, she’s either currently feeling totally overwhelmed right now just like you are or has felt that way recently. Like ten minutes ago.
2) Remember like a wave in the ocean, the water often, and eventually comes back to calm. This is true of your mothering journey. Nothing lasts forever. I mean remember the pain you felt post-delivery? Whether or not you pushed your baby out, or you delivered via caesarean, the end result was pain happened. But look at you now. That is all behind you and you’re now momming the shit out of your kid(s). When you were in the recovery mode I’m confident you never thought you would feel like yourself again, but you did. With time.
This is true of whatever you may be feeling overwhelmed by today. The more you hold onto it, the harder it is to let it go. So, starting today, how about you let go of whatever happened this morning, last night, or last week and give yourself the break you not only deserve, but that you also need.
Love yourself more Mommas, you’re doing great!!!